Following the rising cost of living in the country, Nigerian men who spoke to our correspondents across the country have indicated cold feet in wooing unemployed women.
A cleric, Rev. Dr. Samuel Ibemere, added a perspective in Port Harcourt, saying single men avoid unemployed women due to possible lack of economic support, considering the current high cost of living and family demands.
Ibemere advised unemployed women to either acquire skills or obtain academic qualifications that can secure employment.
He said: “Though marriage is basically for companionship and care, l believe one reason why unmarried men avoid unemployed women is because of economic support.
“The high cost of living and family demands in today’s economy could be too heavy for one person to bear. I believe this is why single men consider unemployed ladies as a burden or liability.
“The man should find out if the lady in question is educated, focused in her pursuits about life, and have some academic qualifications that can secure her a job in the near future, because if she’s not employed today, she could be tomorrow.
“In this case, the husband is expected to play a major role to see that the woman, his wife gets a job or starts a business. Two are better than one, not only in marriage, but also in income generation.”
Also speaking with LEADERSHIP, another cleric, Pastor Akeem Idoniboye, said most unmarried men avoid unemployed ladies because they want someone that can support with the necessities of life.
A marriage counsellor, Alice Onukwugha, described the development as a new trend among Nigerian men who she claim are now running away from their responsibilities.
Onukwugha said: “I would say that this is the new trend among Nigerian men. This is so because men are beginning to shift responsibilities to women. They believe that young girls are desperate to get married because society has made young ladies to think that they cannot achieve their set goals in life without marriage.
“There is cultural aspect of it where communities treat unmarried ladies as outcasts. “You would see that there is pressure on young women to get married and because of that, men are taking advantage of that. There are a few men who would not want their wives to work, though that also has disadvantage.”
A senior pastor with King Jesus Praiseland Assembly, Ilorin, Kwara State, Revd Felix Ajide, said: “It is part of the realities of our time and the economic situation in the country. The scripture must also be fulfilled because we are living at the end times or end of the age where there are many women without husbands.
“In the Christian world, we walk by faith and not by sight. Looking for employed women to marry shouldn’t arise if we are operating by faith. However, God has promised to provide our needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. It is better to find something to do, and not necessarily wait for white collar job as usual. We should also be reminded that the scripture said those who cannot provide for their immediate family are not better than an infidel. The scripture told us about a virtuous woman in Proverbs 31:10,13-14,16: “Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. [13] She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. [14] She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar. [16] She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.” She is industrious and hardworking. Our sisters must find something to do with their hands and ditto with our brethren. ”
A parent and prominent member of the Federation of Muslim Women Association of Nigeria (FOMWAN), Alhaja Jumoke Adeyemi, said marriage is ordained by Allah and one of the oldest institutions in human society.
She lamented that nowadays many unmarried men are increasingly hesitant to consider unemployed women as wives considering the harsh economic realities.
Alhaja Adeyemi added: ” A lot of men and our youths are wary of the challenges of marital life, especially the financial aspect and other obligations. A lot of men believe that marrying an unemployed woman means carrying the full weight of the responsibility of the home, household expenses coupled with other unforeseen expenses.
“In today’s evolving world, some men feel that choosing an employed partner provides greater financial stability and reduces dependency. Again, marital responsibility in some quarters, have become a gender issue as many men expect financial contribution from women as well, some even based on percentage. However, the truth is that a man who solely take full responsibility of the household, becomes more blessed by Allah and live a comfortable life.
“Women, on the other hand, expressed mixed feelings on the issue at hand. Women’s role should not be reduced to making love and child bearing but should also bring emotional support, domestic management, and future potential for income into the relationship. The rising reluctance of men, however, reflects a different view entirely where money is prioritised in marriage over love, character, and compatibility.
“As a parent, l share the same view on this due to the economic realities.
Many parents do advise their sons to marry women who are employed or at least employable, fearing that financial burdens will weigh heavily on the young family. Similarly, they encourage their daughters to secure jobs before marriage to reduce dependency. Traditionally, parents still believe that as long as a woman is respectful, supportive, and willing to build a family, her unemployment should not be a barrier to marriage.”
A veteran journalist and parent, Christy Doyin, said many men have countless options when it comes to choosing a partner, as there are many unmarried women out there.
“However, times have changed, and the reality is that it has become increasingly difficult for one person alone to shoulder the financial responsibilities of a family.
“Because of this, most men now prefer to marry women who are gainfully employed. The idea of marrying an unemployed woman is often seen as an additional burden, and only very few men are willing to take that risk.
“Even married men considering a second wife would hardly choose someone without a source of income. In this era, financial stability is a key factor in relationships, and employment has become almost as important as love in the decision to marry.”
Another respondent, Mr Olabiyi Olayide, said: “I am sure that many unmarried men are not gainfully employed, which is the reason why they are unmarried. Therefore, it would be unwise for an unmarried man to add the obvious economic burden of an unemployed woman to his own. No doubt, most men know that dating a woman comes with some financial commitments.”
A man, Tolagbe Garuba, queried why anyone would want him to add to his problems by marrying an unemployed woman.
An unmarried young lady, Rashida Omoda, said it’s increasingly becoming difficulty for unemployed women to find husbands.
She agreed that no man, even if he’s employed would want to marry an unemployed woman because of the harsh economic situation of the country.
In Enugu, respondents attributed the development to the harsh economy.
A marriage counselor, Mrs Ifeoma Obigeri said despite her efforts to convince unmarried men to focus on love and the character of girls before getting married, they refused to listen to her.
“I know that partners should have something doing to lessen their burden but I don’t think it is the first thing to consider before going into marriage, this trend is one of the causes of divorce these days, some men see employed girls as a way to secure their marriage but I don’t see it that way,” she stated.
A clergyman, Mr Ignatius Okonkwo said the trend was becoming too worrisome, as it was doing more harm than good.
” Even as priest, when they come to marriage courses , they will keep on emphasizing on employed single ladies, some of them don’t consider morality, they see money as everything in marriage but it is wrong because somebody who is not employed today can get a better employment tomorrow’ he stated
A parent with six children, Mr Ndukwe Igbokwe, said he would not blame anybody that chooses to avoid unmarried women.
“My brother, if you are into marriage with children, you will not blame anybody that prefers an employed woman, marriage requires that both parents should have something doing to lessen the burden in the family,” he stated.
A marriage counselor in Cross River State, Mrs. Amba Patrick, said it’s bad for an unmarried man to avoid a lady just because she is unemployed.
“However, the high level of economic hardship faced by Nigerians can prompt unmarried men to avoid any lady who is unemployed notwithstanding her beauty. After all no be beauty them go chop,” he said.
A pastor with Centurion Deliverance Ministry in Calabar, Pastor Oka Emmanuel, said, “Times have changed,, unless the a suitor wants to live in the past, no man wants to pay bride price for a liability.”
Emmanuel said gone are the days when men marry because of beauty.
Also speaking, a marriage counselor, Deaconess Angela Usangha, said marriage is a mutual relationship where both parties involved have to build. She said there was nothing wrong for a man to marry an unemployed woman so long as the two agree to walk as one.
“A woman is like an empire which great people work so hard to build. You can marry a woman who has nothing to bring to the table and you still make her to become something by sending her to learn a trade or set up a business for her,” she said.
But a clergyman and officiating minister, Christ For The World Mission Mbukpa Parish Calabar, Pastor Raphael Okafor, criticised men who deny unemployed ladies saying God had decreed that a man should take care of his wife.
